Oh my

"Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?"
"How much?" said Arthur.
"None at all," said Mr Prosser.

My eyes open ever so gently, the low light of the hangar sears my eyes, this is not good.

The constant headaches a legacy of many cloning procedures.

This technological marvel has it's side effects but at least death is not a worry although sometimes I feel it would be a welcome change to the constant pain. I take a handful of painkillers and head for my Rifter, some old school frigate piracy was needed.

First

My friend in her covops was sitting in a spot in Gusandall and she notified me of another Rifter bouncing between the belts so I took that as my cue to get my Piracy hat on and undocked into the black. It wasn't long before I found said Rifter but he warped straight to the station, a place where fighting in my Rifter would mean a short end for me unless I could get him to aggro me first, we danced for a while, both having locked each other and then he warped off... to a belt, so I did what comes naturally to Kane and warped in and killed him.

Second

I headed to Eifer and spotted a pilot who I missed a few days ago due to him flying a stabbed Thrasher, this time he was in a Stabber. I started to track him and was joined in my mission by an accomplice, we tracked him to a belt separately and both warped in, both got points on and he just warped out... HE FUCKING WARPED OUT.

Right, this guy just made my shit list, GCC be damned, I headed back to Gus to get my Broadsword. I sent word to my deck crew to get Monstrous Regiment™ prepped, once docked it took me a short time to get ready and I headed back to Eifer where the stabbed Stabber was still ratting, oblivious to his impending doom.

I narrowed him down to a belt and aligned.

WARP DRIVE ACTIVE

Space folds around my Broadsword as I'm slung into warp, my on-board scanner working overtime making sure the mark is still there. I burst out of warp.

"Well hello there" I say to myself "Let me introduce you to my little friend."

The Broadsword is part of a unique class of ships called Heavy Interdictors, able to fit a Warp Disruption Field Generator, a device that can be scripted to a focussed beam of infinite strength to warp disruption. It was this device that now kicked into action as it bridged the 18km between myself and the stabber, I flick my MWD into life and close the distance, I activate my Stais Webifier, that Stabber is going nowhere... NOWHERE! In a heartbeat I'm right on top of him and my guns spin up and begin to rain sweet destruction upon the Stabber.

I could hear the Stabber pilot screaming "WHY I NOT WARPING?" as he frantically aligned but the end came swiftly and without mercy I locked his escape pod and sent him home via the Clone Vat Express™

See kids, fitting stabs makes Uncle Kane angry and you don't want to make him angry do you?

Third

(EDIT:Waiting out my GCC) I waited out my GCC and headed to Gus for my Rifter, once back in Eifer I spot a Punisher idling near a belt, warp in to find him 80 clicks out, I start to close, the red mist descends as another kill beckons. We get in range of each other and fireworks ensue, the Punisher going down hard. I'm laughing like a maniac, the thrill of the kill overtaking my sense. Had I been paying attention I would have noticed local light up as reds poured into Eifer, the Punisher explodes and I lock the pod, a Taranis, then a Jaguar warp in on me... DOH

Welp, here I am, warp scrambled and webbed, but not going down without a fight, I lock both ships and start on the Taranis, his shield melts away in an instant, his armour taking a massive beating. My shields are holding up well but then I lose lock... FUCKING JAMMED.
I overload everything and try Keep distance on the Taranis, reacquire lock and web him, My shields have been stripped away and it's not looking good. Taranis hasn't done any damage to me at this point as I successfully keep range but the artillery on that Jaguar is doing me in. I select a celestial object as I'm three quarters into hull and start spamming the warp button, my escape pod jettisons into space as my Rifter explodes and then... NOTHING, no warp, I get locked by the Taranis...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I fall onto the cold floor as I spill out of the cloning VAT, the searing pain behind my eyes dawning the realisation I just got podded. It gets worse every time. I update my clone, it's getting expensive and board a Jaguar, my head still spinning but this new body is strong. I head back to Eifer for some revenge and warp in towards my wreck, my corpse floating next to it. The Jaguar is still there, the Taranis warps out, I start to close on the Jaguar when a Crow, Stiletto and the Taranis warp back in... not good so I warp to a spot high above the belt and watch them. I offer 1v1s to all the pilots but they don't respond. It appears this is the forward group of a larger fleet moving through the area, local lights up as about 20 pilots jump in on there way back to Highsec.
I wasn't going to get any 1v1s or any semblance of revenge. They left system and I warped to my wreck, grab my loot and my corpse, this one has a special place in the Morgue

There was news of a carrier in Bundindus and I raced to grab my Sleipnir and headed over there but it was a wash as the pilot docked up in the safety of the station.

Fourth

I head back to Gus to grab the Rifter, the night is still young and there's killing to be done. Eifer seems to be alive tonight, there's a buzz and the buzz was a Thrasher in a belt. It seems a friend of mine had already scanned him down and was engaging, I warped in to find Kerjin, in his Rupture, just warp scrambling the poor Thrasher and letting the belt rats do the damage. He's a sick puppy that Kerjin. I joined in and added a web to the mix. The Thrasher lit me up and started firing on me, Kerjin informed him that this was a bad idea and as with all bad ideas they end in tears as we finally landed the killing blows after about two minutes. Another pod, another corpse for the Morgue.

Fifth

I was waiting out my GCC when some friends from The Bastards reported a Thanatos carrier at a planet in Gultraten.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me, at a planet?" I asked

The reply was a firm yes

"Tackled?"

"About to be" was the reply

Well I guess I'll just forget about this GCC and go grab something more appropriate.
It was a choice between a Sleipnir and a Hurricane and Karma won, she needed some blood and what better than a carrier. I made all haste to get to Gultraten.

"Where is it?" I asked

"Planet V at zero"

This was too good to be true, a carrier at a planet, on its own and about to have a very, very bad day.

"He's going down a might too fast"

Double you tea eff!

Move Karma, I ain't fucking missing this. I burst out of warp right on top of the mighty carrier, just as the pilot logged his systems. Oh dear, this poor Thanatos left at the mercy of Pirates, whatever was he thinking?

Well the carrier exploded, a massive flash blinding our systems for a second as the escape pod from the carrier warped off with the unconscious pilot inside. z0de probed it out and it was squashed with extreme prejudice. The cowardice of logging one's systems in a fight not tolerated by most Pirates.

Sixes and Sevens

Back in Gusandall my friend notified me of a Thorax, seemingly at the gate of the 1/10 plex, a strange place for a cruiser to be, so I grabbed my Rupture and headed out, warped in, killed him, squashed his pod and warped out.

My friend once again told me of a Nemesis stealth bomber bouncing the belts, I boarded my Jaguar, undocked and warped to the belt where he was reported at, as I came out of warp he was over 90 clicks away and warped to another belt as I started to close, I followed but when I got there he had cloaked... well damn, I hit the scanner and nothing, definitely cloaked then. The belt rats started to swarm around me and then just like that the Nemesis was de cloaked, 3km from me, I locked, scrammed, webbed and popped him in short order, stealth bombers not known for their ability to tank, the pod being squished even quicker.

Added another Rifter to the kills for the night, the pilot was grossly outclassed but a good sport and a reader of these tales.

I did come up against a surprising Rifter just after, over 4km/s and I burnt out my MWD and warp disruptor chasing him down so took my chance to warp out of a fight when he lost point as he wildly orbited me as I stood no chance of winning at that point.

JAM2 > come back when you grow some balls

It's got nothing to do with balls son, no point, no kill and I don't hang about plainly when the fight is beyond me if I don't have to.

I wait out my GCC and head back to Gusandall, it's late, I'm tired, my head is seemingly about to explode and JAM2 will have to wait his turn.