Friday, 2 October 2009


[...] Vimes's grin was as funny as the one that moves very fast towards drowning men. And has a fin on top.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

Imagine you're a Covetor, serenely mining away, the gentle hum of the mining lasers gently soothing your mind as you do whatever it is you do.

It's a nice system, the star is bright, there's plenty of belts and the asteroids are fat and juicy, just waiting to be ravaged by your mighty mining vessel. It's kind of like Prom night, sheer excitement coursing through your veins.

But you are not alone, you have a friend, in a hauler, waiting in anticipation of filling his hold with space rocks. You chat and laugh as you go about your business.

Life is good.

Or is it?

Local spikes, it seems you have visitors.

You start to align the mining barge to the safety of a high security system jump gate, you are no fool, it takes a while as you are not the most nimble of starships. Flashy red ships appear on your overview but it's going to be ok, you are in warp.

Your buddy however in the hauler is not so lucky.

"Rifter is attacking me, I can't warp.... AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH"

"I'm coming back in a combat ship, hold on buddy"

"Hurry dude, he's killing me"

"I'm. On. The. Way"

Your hauler buddy ejects, the Rifter pilot is slightly too slow to react and your friend bails to high security space.

Kane Rizzel > danke

Rifter pilot is pleased with himself, a hauler for free with whatever treasure it holds, unfortunately for him he does not have the skills to fly it so he enlists the help of a friend to help secret the treasure away.

You have returned to the system, the Rifter still there, you'll show him, he'll learn not to pick on the seemingly defenceless. You uncloak in a shiny Nemesis stealth bomber, the Rifter is going to get an ass-kicking he'll not soon forget.

The Rifter however, instead of turning tail and bailing at the sight of your mighty stealth bomber, heads directly at you, seemingly on a suicide mission. Does he not realise this is a tech 2 vessel? Fitted with some very dangerous sharp bits to cause destruction. Is he mad? He must be mad.

Why are my shields gone, he's only in a tech 1 frigate, oh god no, my armour, what the fuck happened to my armour? There's a bright flash as your escape pod automagically ejects into space.

You now sit in your escape pod, the Rifter quick on the draw and he has you firmly tackled.

Kane Rizzel > 50 mil and pod goes free

21:47:24 Notify Largeo has initiated self-destruct of their Capsule, it will explode in 120 seconds.

Largeo > just kill me will be quicker
Kane Rizzel > dunno, you self destructing your pod is amusing to me
Largeo > i gotta wait 2 mins :
Largeo > bored already

You log your critical systems, there's no point treating with such a savage, maybe tomorrow will bring happier days.

Damn that Rifter pilot, damn him to Jita.

Thanks to hcf ruffneck for the intel and his help in appropriating the Iteron III and it's hold full of Kernite


Carole Pivarnik said...

Beautifully written and quite humorous to read. You have more than one talent, my dear.

Nashh Kadavr said...

agreed mynxee; he's not just a vicious killer, he speaks words spun from silk.


Jaxley said...

Very enjoyable blog, glad to have discovered it today (one thing downtime is good for at least).

Just recently gave my own piracy career a proper go this time. Proudest kill of mine so far also has been a Nemesis, flown by an experienced pirate and fitted well.
Let it be known that even an Incursus, whose pilot had only 2.5m SP at the time, can kill these things. *boast* B)

Still flying solo, now you've put the thought into my head to keep it that way.
New Eden apparently is in desperate need for such pilots. Hmmm....

PS: Deine Muttersprache ist deutsch, nehme ich an?

Xephys said...

Haha, nice. SB with standard launchers FTFW.

Enjoyed this new perspective, this is why you're my favourite blogger in terms of writing style.

Agile Nakajima said...

At least the damage mod in the low slot matches the weapon type he was using, so it's theoretically possible to fit a stealth bomber even worse than that.
Even I've killed a stealth bomber in a rifter; it actually made my killboard stats look vaguely respectable for a while.