Thursday 28 October 2010

A tale of two Rizzels

"You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice people used when they said to St George, "You killed a *what*?"
-- Mort tastes scrumble for the first time
(Terry Pratchett, Mort)

There's always a bigger fish

The Cunning Man deftly makes its way through Eifer, with quick and efficient use of its on-board scanner it is able to pinpoint the location of a possible target, a Typhoon class battleship.

The Cunning Man is the latest of Kane Rizzel's Rifter class frigates, a hull he is most comfortable with but one in which he is totally reckless in, some would say suicidal. This particular Rifter is slightly different, but no less deadly.

The Typhoon appears to be on a gate to high security space and it would take Kane every bit of his great negotiating skill to get a fight out of the battleship.

After five minutes of continuous harassment, the Typhoon pilot finally caves and shoots at Kane.

Kane smiles.

The smile turns to a frown as the Cunning Man is out of capacitor... A heavy energy neutralizer of some kind, this is not good... Oh brilliant, now there's a flight of Warrior II drones, best to try kill some off... This is not going to end well.

The wreck of the Cunning Man is left behind as the escape pod of the pilot named Kane leaves the scene. An offer of a battleship duel declined by the Typhoon pilot

Somewhere in the vast nothingness...

...a comm speaker comes to life

"Hey there the best sister in the whole wide universe"

"You lost another Rifter? Didn't you?" says Keira in an almost mocking tone, in fact, it was straight out mocking, no almost about it and she adds "I'm also your only sister"

"Well yeah, but I would of had him were it not for a few small technicalities"

"A few small technicalities? Let me guess, you attacked him?" she says, the tone of her voice that of someone who has had to deal with a lot of torment due to her big brothers actions.

"Of course I bloody attacked him, took me five minutes to get him to shoot first"

In the darkness of her pod, Keira raises her palm to her face

"Where the hell are you? Haven't seen you in Gus for a bit and I know you're not hanging out in highsec with Kenny"

"I'm in Catch" she says, rubbing her temples as her brother had the innate ability to cause headaches, as much for others as for himself.

"What... The... Fuck... Are you doing in Catch?"

"Remember that wormhole you chased a Drake through last week?" she asks and before Kane gets a chance to answer "Well it turns out it's a nice pocket of zerosec, just grinding some security status back"

"What the fuck is security status?"

"That thing that allows you free travel through high security space, the thing that labels you as a delinquent, a ne'er-do-well, a trouble maker... Kane Bloody Rizzel... That's security status and I kind of need it if I'm to move stuff for the corporation and for you" She says, readying herself for the inevitable.

"This might be a dumb question, but why do you, of all people need to grind security status? It's not like you get your hands dirty, I do all the bloody heavy lifting"

"A few days ago you wanted to kill two Ravens running the Eifer Gauntlet, in an effort to catch both of them you asked me for help, I got a Heavy Interdictor and came along" she starts...

"I know, I was there"

...After a moment she continues "As you are well aware, as you were there... The Ravens never bloody well showed up, so you killed a Ferox instead and being one of the faster lockers, I tackled the pod so you could ransom"

"He didn't pay, what an idiot"

"For sending someone home via the clone vats comes with a heavy price and as I was involved my security status dropped below zero"

"He should have bloody paid... Soooooooo, when you coming back?

"Not for a while, I'm liking it out here, it's very... Peaceful" and with that she closed the conversation with the flick of a switch.

The peace and quiet was just what she needed.

Friday 22 October 2010

The Mighty

"Yes, bugger all that." said Nanny. "Let's curse somebody."
-- Even Nanny Ogg gets upset occasionally
(Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)

Two Drakes, Hurricane, Rupture, Rifter, Vagabond and a Probe are reportedly milling about the Emolgranlan gate in Eifer, the intel channel abuzz with chatter about engaging.

I'm not one for debating tactics in a committee, so I grabbed the biggest, meanest ship I own (Mainly because I would need massive buffer because I still had GCC from killing a Hurricane only moments earlier) and made my way over.

Intel was a bit dodgy so an associate was sent ahead to ascertain just how much of a pickle I was about to get myself into.

The bulk of the hostile force were made up of The Hatchery, a good bunch of souls up for a fight. One of the Drakes was from a different corp, the same for the Hurricane and the Vagabond but they were all on the gate and I'm pretty sure they were all up to no good.

I jump in and make warp to Emo gate, saying something in the Intel channel that I'm going in.

Nanny Ogg, my trusted Abaddon class battleship lands at zero and I lock up everything. Primary is a Drake, I'm not too fussy as to name and just start shooting, I put tackle on the rifter and send a flight of warrior IIs after him, he gets out in structure as he was smart enough to move out of tackle range.

Ships jump out or warp off, eventually I snag the Rupture, a Drake jumps back in and I start shooting it once again. Orias V has joined me in his Myrmidon and a Drake and Hurricane primary him. I'm taking sentry fire and deep into armour. Drake jumps out and I change to the Hurricane, it's just about to go down as Nanny Ogg, the Mighty Nanny Ogg says her last goodbye to the universe.

I hurried back to Gusandall and grabbed Daft Wullie, an Armageddon class battleship, I went back and I engaged the hostiles for a bit but the heart had gone out of the fight. They all went their separate ways leaving me alone at the gate rather unsatisfied.

A rather unsatisfying day all round really, need something epic to keep my spirits up :)

Wednesday 20 October 2010

Get the kettle on

"Nac mac Feegle wha hae!"

-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)

Another slow day in the Evannater constellation of Heimatar. The little pockets of excitement just about enough to keep me entertained.

The Hatchery

Seems these guys have settled in Emolgranlan and are making trips into lowsec. It's always good to have eager neighbours. They were the first to experience Kane Camp™ and today they decided to use a bait Maelstrom outside Gusandall station.

So I grab Nac Mac Feegle, an Armageddon class battleship and proceed to undock. The Maelstrom has started to engage a Pilgrim but the Pilgrim is at good range, he then lights me up and proceeds to shoot at me.

Well, I'm not one to pass up an invitation, I shoot back. Trap is sprung and local fills up. No biggie, two Megathron battleships from Mean Corp undock.

A Maelstrom, Drake, Rupture, Caracal and Merlin all proceed to pick on me. Maelstrom has a good tank, the Merlin who had decided to wander a touch to close to a flight of Warrior IIs I had set on him explodes, my armour has been eaten away but there's no retreat, no surrender, Kane stays till the job is done or he has to warp his pod out.

Maelstrom goes down, an epic tank but then I explode almost simultaneously. I hesitate slightly but manage to get my pod out unscathed. The Rupture gets violenced while the Drake and Caracal turn tail.

A good fight and I like these guys, they're not scared to shoot first and it makes a difference fighting someone who doesn't always rely on sentry fire on their side. I look forward to plenty more fights with them.

Carry on...

I'm just chilling, relaxing, when a channel I frequent lights up with news of a carrier running a mission somewhere in Molding Heap, about 16 jumps away as the crow flies. I grab Daft Wullie, my new Armageddon battleship start making my way over. It's a carrier, we pirates will travel a long distance for a prize such as a capital ship.

About six jumps out, a report from the scout puts a damper on my day as it seems the carrier has left system and there will no longer be coffee and cookies :(

I disconsolately make my way home.

The Assault

A Jaguar assault frigate is spotted in Gus, bouncing safes and belts. I grab Flubber, my Stabber Fleet Issue or as has become common tongue, the SFI.

Assault frigates have become deadly against bigger ships as there small size and exceptional agility makes it hard for bigger calibre guns to track them. In the hands of a skilled pilot they would eat just about anything.

Flubber however is not just anything, it is a very old and proud cruiser which has been with me for the better part of two years, it still sports large rigs. By using her onboard scanner I pinpoint the Jag to be at planet V.


I drop warp at the planet right on top of the Jag and engage, he duly obliges by shooting back. He starts off with a bit of tracking disruption and scramming my MWD, I just navigate to mitigate transversal and hit him hard, it does help that Flubber has a few tricks up her sleeve which nobody bloody expects.

His shields now gone I decide it's time to drop a flight of Warrior IIs to expedite the fireworks, the Jag kindly explodes and he warps his escape pod out just in the nick of time before my lock resolves.

A good fight.

A tale of two frigates

A Taranis interceptor is chilling off the station in Gusandall, the pilot seems somewhat familiar but no matter, I grab Rincewind, my trusty Rifter class frigate. This should be interesting as a Taranis is quite formidable in either of it's popular variants.

As my Rifter exited the undock of the station, she was welcomed by the light of the Gusandall star, the Ranis lit its micro warp drive and closed rather sharply, he wasn't outlaw so I had to wait for him to engage, else my Rifter wouldn't be long for the verse under sentry fire. This of course gave him the lead, damage wise but once he engaged it was game time. With my afterburner lit, warp scrambler and stasis web kick in, with my guns and rockets overloaded for maximum damage and the armour repper doing the same to cope with the incoming damage we danced a merry waltz around each other.

The fight itself was rather short, as are most encounters with a Taranis...

But the Taranis ran out of structure and exploded. To the victor the spoils as I grab the loot and make haste to a safespot.

Good fight Cozmik R5, a fellow blogger and where I recognized his name from :)

I dock up and get the kettle on, could use a cup of tea right now, been an indifferent day but in truth an enjoyable one. Time to sort through the loot :D

Stay strong and never surrender

Monday 18 October 2010

The gate camp

It is the fate of all banisters worth sliding down that there is something nasty waiting at the far end.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Maskerade)

I'm reliably informed there's a small gatecamp of seven ships currently presiding over the Gusandall gate in Eifer.

Eifer is my home, people are guests and we can't be having guests taking liberties. So I grab my Geddon undock from Gusandall station and warp over to the Eifer gate.

My associate reports Drake, Harby, Rupture, two Blackbirds (Although one mysteriously disappears) an Atron and two Rifters.

I take a breath and jump on through.

I hold gate cloak for a second and get a better picture of what's about to go down. It's time to introduce The Hatchery to Gate camping, Kane Rizzel style.

I drop cloak and pulse my MWD to get closer to the gate. This accomplishes two things, one, it gets me good range on the single Blackbird now left on the scene and two, it makes it look like I'm trying to run.

The camp engages with all it's might and it is now the time of the hammer. I drop a flight of sentries and light the Blackbird up with some Mega Pulse fire, at close range and with multifreak crystals it melts in two volleys. With the most annoying ship out of the way it's time to work on the DPS. Harbinger is my first port of call.

It's like Guy Fawkes night in Eifer as the fireworks cascade over the Gusandall gate and in hindsight my call of going for the Harby was wrong, it takes forever to go down. Once down I switch to the Drake, which would have been the right call.

I run out of buffer as the Drake hits armour. I warp my pod out and offer good fight in local and a round 2 if they were up for it.

They bailed :(

And thus I initiated The Kane Camp™ whereby you jump into a camp, kick the fire over, swear at the attendees and try beat up as many of them before they beat you up
There are rules to Kane Camp™
•No jumping out
•No logistics
•No smack
•Punch em in the face but remember to warp your pod out

Don't be foolish though, if they have too many ECM boats you ain't going to bloody any noses. Intel is important, don't jump blind.

My current Geddon fit is being tweaked for Kane Camp™ and so are my tactics, I learnt quite a bit from the fight.

Been an unproductive day, only a Succubus soloed with a Rifter, a Myrmidon with Mean and Sprouts and the two recounted here.

Stay strong and never surrender o7

The upper hand

Kane Rizzel > you know it's bait, everybody knows it's bait, even the bait knows you know but he still wonders why the fuck you're attacking... and that my friends is when you have the upper hand

Sunday 17 October 2010

And the winner is...

- "Yeah?"
- "Ngk," said Crowley.
-- Crowley in conversation with his superiors
(Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

Thank you everyone who participated :)

One of my favourites just happened to be posted by Mr Anonymous, a very secretive person who unfortunately is not a Billion ISK richer this evening.

Rockets to be buffed
Carebears say Eifer is safe
Kane: violence boats
It's very important to post your name if you comment :)

Another one that caught my eye was this:

Dranaarus said...

Bottom line, if it's something that will bring you more joy than frustration then I say go for it.

Please contact me at your earliest convenience sir I have a Pirate frigate with your name on it.

Nitor1013Z, Memoocan and Station Container, if you could also please contact me ASAP, I have some Piratey goodness for the three of you for your submissions.

The winner however was a masterful entry by none other than Nashh Kadavr who's entry titled Welcome Back was without peer.

Thanks again for participating and I'll catch y'all in space 07


Wednesday 13 October 2010

Four days left... One Billion ISK to be won

In the Beginning

It was a nice day.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

I said here that the competition would last until I had some leave, well I found out said leave begins on Sunday night for nine days.

So... Sunday night, 17th October 2010 @ 2300 eve-time will be the deadline for entries. Please post links or the entry itself here. A decision will be made in due time and I will then announce the winner and deliver the prize ASAICBA ;)

There's already a couple of very strong contenders but I encourage you to be creative, original and maybe just downright hilarious.

Hugs and Kisses


Stay strong and never surrender.

Monday 11 October 2010

Dun dun dun dun dun dun

The world is made up of four elements: Earth, Air, Fire and Water. This is a fact well known even to Corporal Nobbs. It's also wrong. There's a fifth element, and generally it's called Surprise.
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Truth)

It goes a little something like this:

XXXX > Drake on scan, probes out

Kane Rizzel > I'm warping to Ingunn gate in Hurricane
Keira Rizzel > I'm on my way too for command bonuses with a Claymore

XXXX > Have a hit on the Drake, warping to it now... Landed 15 clicks off, gogogo!

Kane Rizzel > Jumping... In warp, Keira get in here, no time to safe up, just get those command links running.
Keira Rizzel > Roger roger.

XXXX > Moving off warp-in, good hunting o7

Kane Rizzel > Landing... tackled, commencing negotiations.

Crapulo > good show

And so it was, a total of one minute and 30 seconds from the time my rather specialised associate reported the Drake, till it was probed out, violenced and negotiated with for the contents of it's hold and fittings. So very kind of him to get most of the anomolies contents safely secured within the wreck of his ship, a good haul.

Much of my success has been down to these highly skilled associates, whether it was Keira in her Cheetah or this new breed of covert operatives, in ships with equipment and skills that far exceed anything Keira was ever able to achieve. Their knowledge of the area and ability to get into a system and probe out a target and make sure not to spook the target is something that I can not value enough.

Today has been interesting, have been called a noob, by myself, as I jumped a Bhaalgorn into highsec but remained calm enough to get out in one piece (I'm pro at jumping into highsec, enough so that I'm pro at getting out too)

Have been accused of hotdropping. Yes, hotdropping. Two Abaddons disrupting a gang of battleships harassing some POS in the middle of nowhere is now hotdropping. I must be getting old.

It's been a good day.

Stay classy and never surrender

Sunday 10 October 2010

Hold on to your hair... I'm going in

Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Strata)

"Arbitrator, Merlin & Wolf... I'm going in."

I'm in a Fleet Stabber... And I want to kill.

Thus far I have failed to catch a stabbed Typhoon running the Eifer gauntlet. I have failed to effectively solo two carriers with my Bhaalgorn (aka playing bait), in fact, I failed to even get them to shoot back.

But back to the here and now, there's three seemingly innocent dudes, in a belt, in Eifer. Time for Kane to get back to work.

"Oh hey Mandaro, long time, want to kill some folk? I have this here Arbitrator tackled, oh look, his friends are shooting me, woe is me. Wait what, I'm being tracking disrupted, spidey senses say tracking speed. Right, change of plan, how about you stay still, see these webs and scram, that's right, you're going nowhere... NOWHERE. I'll just stop orbiting and close distance making your devious ploy of tracking disrupting my guns about as useful as an asshole on my elbow. That's right, not so clever now, see my buddy over there in that Dramiel, he's making sure your buddies don't run away"

This is my Stabber Fleet Issue, there are many like it, but this one is mine.

"Mandy, the Arby is dead, let's dispatch this Wolf and Merlin and go have some cookies"

A good fight

But wait, there's more, they come back.

"Rupture, Griffin & Crucifier... I'm going in... Again"

"Mandy, what the hell are you flying? And why does it have Police lights, this isn't GTA motherfucker... Nevermind, I have this Rupture tackled. His friends have just come in, I'm still shoo... What?, What the? yep, I seem to be jammed, the frickin Griffin has me jammed. I'm locking... No I'm not, I'm jammed again...

Locking... JAMMED...

Keira, what the hell? Where the hell you come from?"

"Listen you idiot, you can't fight if you can't even target anything so shut up and just be thankful I'm saving you an embarrassing loss, besides, looks like I got here just in time, you don't seem to have been paying attention to your armour at all"

Keira's Guardian, Mandaro's space police ship and Aiko's Onyx cause my three attackers pause for thought and they bail. AN interesting fight and one I may have lost, in fact I'll count it as a loss even though the SFI survived.

I love this Stabber, it still has large rigs on it and tonight was the closest I've come to losing it.

C'est la vie

The competition is still running by the way.

Thursday 7 October 2010

One Beeeellion ISK

"Not a man to mince words. People, yes. But not words."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

So what's cracking? Fill me in on what's happening in the world of EVE... Please.
Reading various websites about the goings on of CCP and EVE Online is enough to give an aspirin a headache, so I turn to you, the players of EVE to educate me.

Three optional patches to fix a patch? Micro-transactions? Rocket boost? (Rocket Spec IV represent)
Is this all just an elaborate troll?

I miss EVE, I truly do. There's nothing quite like the social aspect of the game to be found anywhere. Sure you can have fun with other games but EVE is about people and while from my point of view, CCP doesn't really care about the people that pay them to play their game, it's the people that make the game what it is.

Kane Rizzel has been running around Battlefield Bad Company 2 stabbing wookies and reviving fallen comrades with shock paddles, but I don't know any of these comrades. He has also been enjoying the Medal of Honor open beta but again doesn't know any of these people.

Now you'll ask yourself why I care? Why a solo pirate who shied away from flying with others in an MMO would seek the company of others?

Well, I like to talk, I never shut up, unless you're an attractive woman then I clam up and can't get a word out. But EVE was probably the best chat client, ever. You got to shoot stuff and talk with other people shooting stuff, fucking brilliant.

Here I am, on the raggedy edge, undecided. I turn to my readers, what's left of them for help, but this help will not go unrewarded.

One Billion ISK to the person who presents the most compelling reason/s for me to return.
It can be anything from art, poetry, threats or fiction. Be creative but also informative, like you're trying to sell the game to the most discerning of Pirates.
Deadline for entries will be when I have some leave in a few weeks time (Can't remember when I booked it for but I know I booked some leave... I think)

Will the Rizzels and associates make a return to New Eden?
Will Kane ever find happiness?
Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty?

It's up to you :)

Oh, bee tea double you, I've been clean and clear for 16 weeks \o/

Huggs and kisses


Stay strong and never surrender