Friday, 4 July 2008

Confuscious say...

Harrow: "I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife."

Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."

Evannater was dead, not a soul about and the few that were, weren't exactly forthcoming with fortitude for a fight. I've been in three different ships tonight, spoiling for a fight, Taranis... nothing, Rifter... nothing... Huginn... nothing.

So when I spotted a Raven in Eifer making its way to Gusandall I got on comms and gave a shout to my friend and her Cheetah to get her ass down here ASAP

"8 jumps out"

Come on woman, hurry up, this guy has just gotten started and I don't want to miss the opportunity to explode him.

"Relax, I'm moving as fast as I can"

Sheesh, by the time you get here he'll be done and then I may have to kick a puppy or something.

I had docked up and prepped the Sleipnir, my ship of choice for any mission jack. I undocked and warped to a safe and was pleased to see my friend enter system.

"Probe in the water"

Excellent, now the wait... patience tonight was wearing thin as frustration grew without a kill.

"Don't know if it's just me but this seems more difficult than before"

Aye, I've heard reports of people struggling with probes, hits becoming less frequent, but my friend has all the skills and above all, more patience than me tonight. She had already burnt one Spook probe out without a hit, 20 minutes and nothing, she had dropped another and the scanner revealed that the Raven was still there, but he had a friend close by in a hauler, more than likely a scout sitting on the plex gate. Damn, this was going to be tough even if she did get a hit.

"Got a hit on a drone, 864km variable, will warp in and drop a closer range probe"

Excellent, now we're getting somewhere, she warped in, right on top of the gate, a bit of a surprise and as expected there was the hauler, the gate uncloaked her and whilst I was in warp she targeted and scrambled his warp core, making sure he didn't get away, I landed on the gate and knowing the hauler had probably given us up to his friend, ignored him and warped right in.


"Uhm OK, but my security status is going to take a hit"

Suck it up, I'm a Pirate, you work for me remember.

I warped out and back to the gate where the hauler was pinned by the Cheetah, I locked and took over the tackle as the Cheetah warped out, my 425s spun up and the hauler was no more, the escape pod warping out instantaneously as the pilot logged his systems.


The pod was scanned out in short order and a new corpse was added to "The Morgue"
I docked up, upset that the Raven had gotten away but I was tired and on edge and probably needed a good nights rest, it didn't help that I stubbed my toe on the way to my bunk, Keira really needs to move this loot to a market hub.

You are a degenerate simply

A new day dawns over Gusandall as I wake up, slightly groggy from the painkillers, I check on the local chatter, lo and behold, the Raven pilot is back in system, he's not on the station roster so must be out in space. I sprinted to my Sleipnir, the systems still primed from the night before, good thing I forgot to power her down.


The undock was slow, no idea why but as I entered the dark I hit the scanner. The usual junk littering space but in the middle of the scan results is a Raven. A smile lights up, right, this time I'm going to kill him.

"Warp Drive Active"

Those dulcet tones a pleasure to hear. Normal space envelopes my ship as I drop from warp, the gate still there and a shuttle, damn best move quick. Gate is activated, hopefully I can get in before he has a chance to warp out. I'm slung into the deadspace and as I exit the warp I see the Raven, aligning to get out but my lock is quick, my tackling gear glowing and the fight is on. Well, it's not much of a fight, my command ship too much for the Caldari battleship and it's wreck soon becomes a part of the spacescape, these Republic Fleet EMP rounds too much for it's massive shield systems. The escape pod warps out directly to the station and I move towards the wreck to grab whatever loot survived the explosion. I'm grinning, a good kill.

The pilot of the Raven opened up a conversation with me and I think his translation software is slightly out of date, what follows is a transcript of the conversation:

grhuee > You are a degenerate simply
grhuee > 我在做任务也打我的船
grhuee > I am making the duty also to hit my ship
Kane Rizzel > I am making duty for violencing boats
grhuee > I am making the duty
grhuee > Was called you the friend not to hit my OK?
Kane Rizzel > no idea what your talking about, I don't speak English
grhuee > 是英语
grhuee > Is English
Kane Rizzel > No, I only know how to say I don't speak English in English
grhuee > We may be the friend
grhuee > My ships had already been hit by you happily
grhuee > I enter your regiment whether can not hit my ships?
grhuee > hi
Kane Rizzel > ?
grhuee > Do not hit my ships
Kane Rizzel > can't promise that
grhuee > On this time is good lets me complete this duty
grhuee > tanks
grhuee > May ?
grhuee > Calculated that your fierce eldest child I am poor person not ISK
grhuee > Now did not have ISK to buy the ships
grhuee > This is my destiny !
grhuee > bye

I think he wanted to join NovaKane so I wouldn't kill him again, not really sure as I was laughing so much, I considered for a moment ransoming the mission but decided against it as sometimes these guys are dubious at best and no telling where the ISK comes from.

Eventually he left the conversation and I had to go meet some friends for drinks, so I left the hangar, still smiling.

I am Kane Rizzel, fierce eldest child


Bub said...

All i can say is, you've had the worst of it mate. I've had some pretty crappy English speakers, of which i assume are german or russian cos' eve is full of em buggers. But that was some pretty hilarious and non-comprehendable crap right there. :P

Twine's Times said...

As a CEO of a corp, I see evemails from these isk farmer/mission runners all the time. I probably have 10 in my inbox right now. I just delete delete delete delete. :P

Anonymous said...

Thank you Kane! It's been a rough day and this was the laugh that I needed.